oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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