I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's always time for handjobs
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
