so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
