You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
