Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
