Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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