I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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