I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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