So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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