drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
