You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
