so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
