and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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