well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
