she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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