you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize