I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
