I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
