Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
