Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
