Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
