I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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