put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
