if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize