She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
