I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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