I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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