No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
