There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
