i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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