I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
