Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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