Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
