btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
