Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
