The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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