I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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