My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
