Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
