you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
