I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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