One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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