i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
