She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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