My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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