Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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