That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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