apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
