and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
