He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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