There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
