What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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