My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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