she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Say something about gay babies.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
