Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
