Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD