We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
whose parrot is this?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.