I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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