But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
