Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
