He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You don't make any sense
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