so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
