Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
