I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
